Brenda's Blog



    I don’t expect you to understand what it means to hear from the Holy Spirit, or to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance.  But I am on this crazy adventure right now, and I am following something He has been showing me. As a matter of fact, I don’t blame you to think I am a bit wacky to admit that to you! LOL!! Cuz, if truth be told, I am very wacky!  Sometimes the things I do has Jesus up in Heaven shaking His head saying” Oh my sweet child what are you up to now?!” That is our awesome Jesus, His love, mercy, and grace also comes with a sense of humor!

    Well, you may know of my time spent in Nepal with YWAM, you may have even read my earlier blog posts about how my time with YWAM COS was a jubilee season.  My jubilee was family.  Jubilee is things that God restores to you, all debts paid.  I lost my mom when I was only 25, that kick-started my cocaine addiction. (I am now recovered and clean 8 years on June 20th!!)  Well, when I was in Nepal, the Holy Spirit restored my mom’s love through the people of Nepal.  Especially this one woman, Pushpa, a spunky Believer, a strong amazing woman and mom.  Also the culture in Nepal is a lot like my mom’s Filipino culture, so all this love just poured back into my heart, because the Holy Spirit gave it all back to me! He reminded me about the love of my mother and how it makes me who I am today! I forgot all that and I never realized it.  Then I was able to meet my Filipino half sister, whom I never met before! We met in an airport on the flight home from Nepal.  Then the Holy Spirit would put thoughts of my dad in my heart. He found Jesus a couple of years before he died of cancer.  I will never forget the days I would call him crying about boys and he would say "CALM DOWN CHILD!" and read me bible verses!  LOL!!  And when I returned home to the USA I spent time with my brother and his family, and we became closer than we ever have. My sister in law became my close friend and Sister in Christ, and my nieces well, they just stole my heart! And I know that is because of the love of Jesus and how HE is bringing family so alive for me.  Everyone I bonded with during missions in Nepal knew how much family was the highlight of my trip and how the Holy Spirit restored that for me.  

    So when I came back to the USA and received a call from The Fish in Portland OR, I was so excited that WOW!! I am gong to make a comeback to my career! Like Sally Field once said “You like me! You really like me!!” LOL!! I was so excited and they really took care of me.  What an amazing group of people, my bosses and co-workers at Salem Media.. WOW!  They loved on me and really made it feel like home.  But something was missing.  It’s like Solomon talks about in Ecclesiastes 2:10-11:

    I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. 

    I truly felt in my heart I was not continuing on in my journey with the Holy Spirit about family.  I realized everything I have here in Portland is pretty awesome, but I feel alone out here, and I miss my family like crazy. Not to mention in YWAM you are never alone, you are consistently surrounded by people, who become your family; loving and annoying, LOL!!  Anyway, I could not stop thinking about my little niece saying to me as I was packing up to move from Florida to Portland, she said “Tita, please don’t go, please find a job here and stay.”  That was heartbreaking to me, but I had to go, my pride took me back to my career.  

    Sometimes in life we make decisions that are not the path that God intended...or are they? Hmmm...  But, I did find a huge treasure while here in Portland… no matter what we do, what path we take, when we have relationship with Jesus, He is with us.  I sometimes expect huge waves of His “signs” in my life, big change and big answers! But here on this journey, He showed me His little hugs every single day.  And even though I may have taken a different journey, He didn't become mad at me, or stop caring about me.  He just wanted me to see His love for me, His unconditional love. All He wants is relationship with us.  All He wants is for us to know that He loves us!! He wants us to know that His Grace and Mercy and love and plans for us are already taken care of, that no matter where we go or what we do, HE STILL LOVES US!! We may have to go through some refining, some pruning, some pain, some discipline, but He does not fail or abandon us!!!

    I am closer to Him than I ever was…. And now I am going to follow the rest of the journey that the Holy Spirit had me on in Nepal… and that’s the jubilee of family.  So, as my time here in Portland was amazing and I hiked my face off, I am going home.  I am leaving a great job to pursue .... the Holy Spirit's jubilee journey...FAMILY. For the first time in my life.. ever..I am choosing family over career.  I have no idea what is going to happen, I have no job or anything, but I do know this, I trust Jesus and I get to tell my niece.… “Hey Girl… I am gonna stay this time…”  

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. (Jeremiah 29:11-14)